STRESS REDUCTION DIET
(Given to me by a patient)
BREAKFAST - half a grapefruit, 1pc whole wheat toast, 8oz skim milk
LUNCH - 4oz lean broiled chicken breast, 1 cup steamed zucchini, herbal tea, 1 Oreo Cookie
SNACK - the rest of the package of Oreo Cookies, 1qt of Blue Bell ice cream, 1 jar of hot fudge
SUPPER -
- 2 loaves of garlic bread
- large pepperoni and olive pizza
- large pitcher of soda
- 3 milky ways
- entire frozen cheese cake with blueberry topping
- and 1 slim carrot slice.
So, when you blow your stress diet, here are some activities that will aide in calory reduction:
- Beating around the bush 75 cal
- Jogging your memory 125 cal
- Jumping to conclusions 100 cal
- Climbing the walls 150 cal
- Passing the buck 25 cal
- Grasping at straws 75 cal
- Beating your own drum 100 cal
- Throwing your weight around 50-300 cal
- Dragging your heels 100 cal
- Pushing your luck 250 cal
- Spinning your wheels 175 cal
- Making mountains out of molehills 500 cal
- Flying off the handle 225 cal
- Running around in circles 350 cal
- Beating your head against the wall 150 cal
- Chewing nails 200 cal (all protein!)
- Eating crow 225 cal (rather bitter
- Pouring salt in the wound 50 cal
- Cutting through government red tape 1345 cal
Now for some quotes that should make your diet more palatable:
- "Health food makes me sick." -- Calvin Trillin
- "You do live longer with bran but you spend the
last fifteen years on the toilet." -- Alan King
- "I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills.
Know what happened? I ate faster." -- Joe E. Lewis
- "Old people shouldn't eat health foods.
They need all the preservatives they can get." -- Robert Orben
- And finally, to help you keep that weight off, remember what that famous philosopher
Miss Piggy once said, "Never eat more than you can lift."